Monday, January 27, 2014

The Jordan Almond Incident

Hi everybody.

I don't know if you like them, hate them, love them or just don't care much for them.  This sugar covered almonds are almost a staple in my house.  My husband just adores them, (I bet he even dreams about them, probably hoping he can be one someday.)
In my family, this (very expensive) almonds were meant for very special occasions.  We would only see them at weddings, baptisms, showers, quinceañeras, and other similar activities.  At every event the adults would get together to prepare all sort of favors for guests.  Of course the children (a.k.a my cousins and me) would steal them from the table whenever one of us would go by.  It was the forbidden candy.  We HAD to eat and we would go to all extremes to do so.  It is understandable, after all we were children, adults weren't really into them. Crazy, right?

Fast forward a few years, I am the mom and as expected I am not into them anymore.  Don't get me wrong they are delicious, but now I understand why they are a candy for special occasions. 

Five years ago I decided to start a new life with a wonderful man, my husband a.k.a. The Handyman.  Oddly enough he is nuts about the nuts.  I am guessing mostly the candy because in five years  have never, not once EVER, seen him eat an almond.  It's like he obsesses over them, at the movies Cheese Nachos, Big Soda and Jordan Almonds (I mean, what kind of a combination is that).  At the supermarket, at birthday parties, wherever he can get them.  Are they dessert?  That is not even the worst part. Ask him to share and he will give you 'The Look', every time I ask I only get three.  Three??? Are you kidding me. He is officially a Jordan Almond junkie.

The first time it seemed strange, after five years it is expected.  But nothing, and I mean NOTHING, could prepared me for the Jordan Almond stare down that took place at his niece's birthday.   On Sunday, we went to the birthday party, she turned 6 and is as adorable as ever.  The event was very nice, with family and friends and all sorts of amenities for parents and children alike.  We had the snacks area which had the usual corn chips, cheese plates, fruit plates, soda, potato chips, among other snacking goods. We also had a Candy Bar with cookies, brownies, marzipan, lollipops, candy rings, Jell-O shots and, brace yourselves, Jordan Almonds.  I knew there was a reason why The Handyman was disappearing all the time.  The afternoon went by normally, he was under control.  At the very end, people started taking their favors to leave.  At the Candy Bar they had placed cello bags at both ends so attendees could take whatever sweets they craved.  So as The Handyman was lining up to take his bag and get his beloved Jordan Almonds, a girl cut in front of him.  I mean it is okay because it is a kids birthday and she is a kid.  He is a parent who can control himself and let it go. 

The problem?  She went for the almond and thus The Incident.  Where else will you ever see an almost forty year old man (he is thirty-six and I said almost) try to stare down a ten year old who has one thing on her mind and that is candy.  I imagined it as an Old Western stand-off, where my husband would be Clint Eastwood and the little girl the punk.  One ten year old at one end of the table, my tall, bald, handsome, almost forty year old husband on the other.  Instead of guns, they had tongs.  Well, at least one of them (it wasn't my husband) had tong in had and was actually in front of the almonds (again, not my husband).  So there he is, watching in despair as the girl was filling her cello bag.  He would look at me (as if I could have done something), and he would look at her, again at me (probably pleading I would get the girl's mom, I guess, I am not telepathic), back to her. Clearly in this scenario Eastwood didn't have a chance.  Eventually, she walked away from the almonds.  And guess what, unlike him she doesn't mind sharing the almonds. She left him six almonds.  He grabbed the tongs threw then aside and poured them into the bag.  The best part of the story, when he went to eat them today he discovered that our three year old BamBam had found them and ate them all.  Isn't life sweet.

Do you or anyone you know crazy over this sweet treat?